When someone asks me such a general question, one without any real depth…something as simple as “How are you doing?”, “How’s it going?”, “How’s the day?”…the obligatory response is “very well, thank you”, “not bad, and you?”, and you both exchange a meaningless super “Canadian” friendly gesture, and on with the struggle of the day.  I often want to escape the matrix, sit these people down, use them as my personal diary, and tell them how i’m REALLY doing.  I have this strong sensation that they would end up in tears, we would have our Oprah moment, and they would wander off with their “ah-hah” moment wanting to change the world.  But, i’m simply stuck in the boring zombie response zone. “Good thanks.”  The end.

Not so much anymore….

Something happened a few years ago, something that shifted my entire DNA coding, something that set off a domino effect of events that would permanently change my entire outlook on life.  My maternal grandmother’s passing.  When my Jiits’ was here in body, she was strong, her presence was strong, her gestures were simple and to the point.  When she spoke, you listened.  When she was around, you felt safe, at ease, because her aura cradled you.  You also felt like you were in a dream-like trance, mostly because she always stuffed you with food, and her place was always hot, so naturally you needed to lie down and nap.  When Jiits’ entered the spirit world something happened to me, I tried my hardest to be sad that she was gone, but I couldn’t?.  I missed her very much, I knew she was our Laxsgiikw backbone, our Laxsgiikw Google page(I would say encyclopedia but our under 20 audience would have to google it), she was our Laxsgiikw Matriarch.  When she left, we were left with a massive sense of responsibility, an immense on-going documentary with the most complex plot, and now it was our turn to contribute to the story.  At first I was completely overwhelmed, I thought it impossible for me to obtain so much information about my culture and our ‘House’. The House Of SakhumhiiGok.  How was I ever going to live up to my name?  Then I realized I was already doing it, already living it.  It was happening and unfolding right before my eyes.

Jiits’, what a character, she was always cracking her own little jokes, or just flat out laughing in your face because you were an idiot and did something stupid.   She had a resilient spirit, and when she passed onto the spirit world her resilience intensified.  As women, we are givers of life, we are connected to the spirit world whether we like it or not. From birth, we are born with the seeds of life within us, and from the time the moon takes us with the tides, we live through the cycle of life and death over and over again.  Our culture then provides us with an even deeper understanding of life and death.  There is due process for a reason.  We are to follow the rules of death and enter a millenia of protocol for the very reasoning of to not have any question what-so-ever.  It is what it is.  It is mourning, it is acceptance, it is embracing life once again, it is living with purpose.

I am Hayatsgan, Striking Stick, I was born into the House of SakhumhiiGok, my matriarch is Ska’yan and my Chief is Sakhumhiigok.  My grandmother Ska’yan, has connected to me in ways that life could not bring.  Our souls, our energy is something that is beyond understanding with the simple psyche.  Women’s intuition is ten-fold.  When someone asks me “how i’m doing?”  My simple response is “not bad” #smiley face, then the frustration and angst sets in as to why i’m not good either?  Then somehow i’m magically reminded by my Jiits’ that i’m more than fine, i’m amazing, i’m a part of a beautifully woven blanket, it has all of the colors that nature can provide, all of the landscapes of all of the Nations combined, all of the love of the Grandmothers from past, present, and future.  It is a blanket that envelops me, protects me, shields me from darkness, and in darkness – comforts me until i’m ready to face the world.

I did not feel true strength until my Jiits’ decided she was ready to leave this world and enter into a realm of unknown.  With that natural passing, and our natural acceptance, both worlds opened up. Most of my fears dissolved.  I can feel her existence everywhere I go, she is stronger than she has ever been.  I am her and she is me.  It was already woven before we both were born. It has set the tone to a simplified existence, and I can now give an honest answer…”I’m great. Thank you for asking..”  I am open, i’m receptive, i’m intuitive, I am ready to hear everyone’s story.  And I have my Jiits’ to thank for that.  So, thank you Jiits’, my Laxsgiikw protector watching over all of her children with a keen eye.  I love you.

This picture was taken at my Jiits’ stonemoving: My Mother – Ska’yan(my Jiits’ name was passed to her), Myself – Hayatsgan, and my daughter – Naaqws.  We are resting her headstone on her grave, and our mourning process is done. Her spirit took the slow walk to the spirit world, and she is now ready to lead us from another world.  Life and death become one.